Greetings from Durham, North Carolina. Sorry if I sound distracted but I’m doing something I rarely do these days. I’m watching television. It’s been so long that even the commercials are new and intriguing. I am having difficulty concentrating on the task at hand, which is…um…hold on a second….writing this blog.
Have you ever seen this show “Rotten Tomatoes“? It’s a movie review show that, apparently, tells the truth about the movies. It’s the kind of movie review show I would do. It’s sarcastic, caustic and likes less than half the movies they review. Not that the review show itself is any good but it moves quickly. It’s like the television equivalent of ..oh! shiny!
Anyway, what I was going to say was that I’m sitting here watching television with my brother waiting to go fishing. We’ve watched “Back to School” with Rodney Dangerfield, several Tivo’d “Family Guys” episodes and are now watching the aforementioned movie review show. It’s enough to make you believe that the end of the world is near. Of course, I said the same thing after watching “The South Park Movie”.
Tomorrow, we go fishing. We have three days on a house boat out of Atlantic, NC. The plan is to stick six of us on a boat, motor us out into the Ophelia Inlet, anchor the boat and leave us to stew for three days. Weather.com calls for rain all three days, with scattered thunderstorms. In some lands, they call this “vacation”.
For the record, I hate fishing. Don’t get me wrong. I like catching fish. But catching fish is not the same thing as fishing. “Catching fish” is thirty seconds of thrills and excitement that happens up to once every fishing trip. “Fishing” is the art of sitting around for up to fourteen hours wondering whether you still have bait on your hook or not. And believe you me, you do not. You do not have bait on your hook. Ever.
I suppose I should be happy to be out of work. Technically, I’ll be “at the beach” and on a boat. In most books, that’s not a bad way to spend the day. Did I mention there will be five fishy-smelling drunks on board trying to squeeze in as much “guy time” as possible into a 72 hour period? I myself will be encouraged to drink too much and we’ll tell the same stories we’ve told each other for nine years worth of fishing trips now. And Icehole wonders why I don’t want to come on the annual fishing trip any more.
The good news is that I have come up with a plan to amuse myself while we’re aboard. Since we have six guys and one small bathroom facility, I plan to consume nothing but canned asparagus for the next three days. If all goes according to plan, the whole boat should smell like a truckload of burning pencil erasers. I won’t have internet as of tomorrow but I’ll update you all as soon as I get back Sunday evening.
We’re leaving pretty early in the morning so I guess I should wrap this up and get to bed. Wish me luck. Maybe this trip I’ll actually be blessed with catching a fish.
Seeing as how I refuse to check my bait more than once every 45 minutes, I’m guessing not.